


Hold Onto The Night

by cerberus_angel, SapphireBlueJiyuu



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crude Humor, Epic Bachelor Party, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Implied Sexual Content, Innuendo, M/M, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2017-12-26 10:15:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/964769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cerberus_angel/pseuds/cerberus_angel, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireBlueJiyuu/pseuds/SapphireBlueJiyuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(<b>ASoIaF/The Hangover Crossover</b>)</p><p>They had planned a bachelor party that they would never forget. Now they really need to remember what exactly went down! Whose baby is in one of the bedroom's in their hotel suite? How did a the hotel living area get trash? Why is one of them missing a phone? And, most of all, where is the groom?! What the guys did while partying can't compare to what they must do sober in an outrageous caper that has them piecing together all their bad decisions from the night before - one hazy clue at a time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is highly inspired by "The Hangover" but it also features some random stuff from episodes of "How I Met Your Mother". Shenanigans ensue in this race against time as these crazy men have to find the groom before the wedding later that day! Enjoy the crack!

The rays of sunshine peaked through the semi-open curtains. Robb groaned and turned his head to avoid the sunlight but shivered when a cool wind blew into the room. His eyes slowly opened and quickly closed at the brightness. The pounding headache had him wanting to curl into a ball, but his throat was dry and the need to drink something had him weakly pushing himself to sit up. "Oh gods have mercy." He said as the room tilted on its axis. Robb squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. 

Once he was able to calm himself he slowly opened his eyes only to have the air knocked out of his lungs when he saw the state of the hotel living room. It looked as though a tornado came and rearranged the interior of it while they were sleeping. 

Robb was about 65% sure that he did not contribute to the room's destruction.

Robb gets to his feet clumsily and drags his feet over the floor only to end up tripping over something on the floor. 

"What the hell?" He looks back at the object only to see it was Theon Greyjoy sleeping on the floor. Robb nudged him with his foot as payback before he headed to the kitchen where he sees Gendry sleeping on the counter.

Robb doesn't bother to be quiet as he grabbed a bottle of water and the aspirin bottle Jon had brought and left in the cabinets foreseeing their hangover. The Stark made a mental note to thank his brother as he swallowed the pills and the water. "Jon..." his voice was scratchy and didn't really sound like his. He blamed it on the pounding in his head. 

He walked out of the kitchen area and begins his search for his brother. "Jon!"

"Stop shouting! Ow!" Theon groaned from his position on the floor. He should not be shouting either; the results were catastrophic to his head, which was pounding like someone took a gong and stuffed it into his brain only to detonate a bomb in his face. He also had the undying urge to pray in front of the porcelain god, which was the only thing that made him drag his limbs, which were being uncooperative, into the bathroom where he spent the next 20 minutes... praying.

Robb, on the other hand, stood as still as possible in the middle of the living area with his eyes closed, believing that he could will the room to stop spinning.

Jon was probably worse for wear as well so Robb decided to call out to his brother (which Robb was sure he had not tried doing yet). "Jon?"

Robb pressed his hand against the wall as he headed to where he believes Jon's room is. "Jon..." He opens the closed door only to blink several times at the scene that greets him. Instead of a grown man sleeping on his belly, there is a one-year-old baby completely barred in by a bunker made of pillows which, Robb assumed was made to make sure he didn't roll off the bed as he slept. 

The baby lifts his head, peers, and coos at him. 

For a moment, Robb thinks that Jon had turned into a baby, but the lack of raven colored hair had him calming down. Yet the question remained, where did the baby come from? The infant's warm brown eyes looked so familiar but he couldn't figure out from where. It was too early and his head had yet to stop screaming in protest.

He took a few steps back slowly not wanting to alarm the baby and pivoted instantly regretted the decision when the room spun again. Robb pressed a hand over his mouth when the urge to vomit hit him and sent him to his knees. "Oh gods... have mercy." He hears movement behind him and looks over his shoulder to see the baby climbing over the pillows and making his way off the bed.

Robb crawls back into the room and sits up weakly to reach for the baby boy. "Hoo! You are heavy."

"Ba!"

"Please don't yell" Robb leans the back of his head against the bed and closes his eyes as the baby coos again.

"Why is there a baby here?"

Robb barely opens his eyes to see Gendry leaning against the doorway, scratching his lower back before wincing. The newly dubbed Baratheon looked better than him and Theon combined, despite the look of mild pain that etched his sleepy features. 

"The question should be why aren't you as... in pain as the rest of us?"

"Where is 'the rest of us'? Is Jon okay? I heard you calling for him."

"That's what I'm trying to figure out; I can't find him. Is he in the other bedroom?"

Gendry shook his head. "I was just in there; there wasn't anyone. He might be in the bathroom."

"Nope. That's Theon."

Gendry sighed. "I told him not to take that last shot. Who's the man now?"

Robb chuckled only to end up groaning in pain. "Don't make me laugh." He glanced down when the baby places his hands on his cheeks. "That means you too."

The baby chuckled and grins as he tugs on Robb's cheeks. Robb can't even manage to exert the energy to get him to stop. Instead, he was tempted to curl around the baby and go back to sleep but the thought of Jon had him fighting back the sleep. "We need to find Jon."

"True," Gendry contiued to look at the baby curiously, "and figure out where that munchkin came from."

"Clearly, he's heaven sent."

"Don't be suprised if the city watch comes knocking and inquiring about a missing child; I am going to point them to you."

"Noooo" Robb slurred as the baby squeezes his cheeks together with his small chubby hands, "taking baby's is Theon's thing!"

"Fuck you, Stark!" The sound of the toilet being flushed echoes from the inside of the bathroom.

Gendry glanced at the bathroom door as something slammed against it from the other side and followed by a groan. 

"Can you make sure he's not dead?" Robb asked as he pokes the baby's belly and smiles when the baby lets out a happy giggle.

"I can't guarantee I won't finish him off."

"Please don't." He says distractedly he nudges the baby's temple lightly with his nose, " Blood is going to be a bitch to clean up and I'm already paying through the nose for this room."

Gendry smirked as he made his way to the bathroom and opens the door to see Theon sprawled on the floor. 

"Baratheon." The Greyjoy moans, "I think I'm dying."

"No, you're not," Gendry crouched down by him and peered down. "I warned you last night not to drink so much."

"Spare me your words; the damage has been done." He fists Gendry's shirt. "If you're not going to ease my pain, then let me die alone and in peace."

"Now you're just being a drama queen." Gendry uncurled Theon's hand and stood up.

"Screw you, Baratheon!"

Gendry allowed himself a smile of amusement as he went to grab a water bottle and the aspirin he found in the cabinet, trying to fight the urge to scratch that itch on his lower back that won't seem to abate. When he returned Theon had crawled out of the bathroom and was now sprawled beside Robb.

The baby had crawled on his hands and knees out of Robb's lap and was now sitting on the floor by Theon poking his cheek. "Ba!"

Gendry chocked back a laugh when Theon's eyes snapped open and looked at the baby in confusion. "Oh, gods I must be dreaming... OOOO! Meds! Give meeee!" Theon imitates a drunken zombie and reaches out to Gendry the moment he stepped into the room. Theon clutched the bottle of water as he swallowed the pills that promised relief from the pain that fogged his mind. 

Gendry raised an eyebrow at the two men, who were clearly so out of it that they were missing the big picture. "Is no one going to address the elephant in the room?"

"What? That you're not as hung over as we are? Good for you Mr.-I-will-always-do-the-right-thing-because-I'm-better-than-all-of-you!"

"That is hardly accurate." Gendry protested, "We all know that's more Jon's title than mine."

"What are you talking about then?" Robb mumbled, his face pressed into the warmth of the baby's swaddling blanket - it smelled like warm milk, baby, and a hint of roses.

"The baby's hair is blue!" Gendry exclaimed pointing to the child who was giggling madly whilst playfully slapping Theon's cheeks.

The two hungover men were stunned into silence for a moment before Robb said, "Oh my gods... I thought he was wearing a blue beanie."

"I thought his hair was the wallpaper." Theon said groggily.

Gendry looked at him with a dumbfounded expression plastered to his face, "The wallpaper's not even blue!"

"Shh! Stop yelling.I was just yanking your chain, you fuggin' idiot. I know his hair's blue because I'm the one who dyed it?"

Gendry and Robb rounded on the Greyjoy. "WHAT?!"

"Why would you do that?" Gendry exclaimed.

"Shut up! I told you to stop fuggin' shouting!" Theon retorted with a glare. 

"Why do you keep saying that?"

Theon stared at Gendry as though he missed something so obvious. He pointed to the infant before he said, "Baby. Duh! And I did it because the girl at the parlor said that blue was in this season."

"Yes, that clears up everything."  

"No, it doesn't!" Gendry motioned to the baby that was climbing to sit on Theon's stomach. "How did we end up with him and where the hell is Jon?!"

At the mention of his missing brother, Robb looked at Theon helplessly.

"Don't give me that kicked puppy look." Theon said with one arm thrown over his eyes and the other used to steady the baby that had nestled himself comfortably on his stomach. 

"I'm not."

He moved his arms and glared at Robb. "Fucking hell... you're a horrible best friend, you know that?"

"I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to; your eyes said it all!" 

"Who knew you could be so poetic."

"Bite me, Baratheon."

"Bi!" The baby yelled bouncing slightly on the Greyjoy's belly.

"No, baby! Please don't bounce on me like that- oh, gods... I think I'm gonna hurl..."

"Never thought you would ever say that, did you?"

"Fug off, Baratheon." Theon got up, sliding the baby off of his stomach before swaying towards the bathroom again.

"Oye, where are you going?"

"To the bathroom, where I am wanted. Besides, I'm going to give Clyde one hell of a new look."

"Please don't."  
But the plea fell on deaf ears, as Theon sauntered and tripped his way towards the bathroom, the baby surprisingly secured in his arms.

Gendry turned back to Robb with a sigh. "Right, well, I think I was alright at first because I think I was still drunk. I think now... I'm officially hungover. So... I'm going to go lie down on that comfy looking couch I saw on the way in here while you and Mr. Mom figure out where the hell Jon is... and why Theon is calling that baby Clyde."

"Clyde is Garlan and Leonette's son." Robb said suddenly.

The two men stared at each other, the information slowly sinking in, before they groaned. "They are going to kill us."

In the bathroom Theon has the little one sitting on the counter as he used some of Robb's gel to spike up his blue hair into a Mohawk. 

Clyde scrunches his nose in an adorable manner before sneezing. His small body trembled with the force of it and almost hit the back of his head against the mirror if Theon hadn't cupped the back of the boy's head to steady him.

Theon watched with mild horror as snot threatened to drip down from the boy's nostrils. "Robb!" His voice rose in panic, "Robb, I need you!"

The Stark rushed in, a biting comment on the tip of his tongue, but all was forgotten when he caught sight of Clyde. "What the h-"

"Robb! Get me some tissue or napkin! Hurry!" Theon hissed through gritted teeth before glaring at Clyde who was about to sniff. "Don't you dare. You breathe through your mouth!"

Clyde bottom lip began to quiver and his eyes filling up with unshed tears.

Robb quickly stomped over to the toilet and ripped some toilet paper from the roll and passed it to Theon, who quickly shoved it under the boy's nose before he can start crying. "Blow."

Robb chuckled. "Bet you're not use to saying that to babies."

Theon glared at Robb as Clyde tries to smack Theon's hand and, subsequently, the tissue away. Theon once again stuck the wad of paper under his nose and repeated his demand, which got a snort out of Robb.

Clyde took a deep breath through his mouth before blowing into the tissue. He smiled as Theon wiped his nose before throwing the napkin away. 

"Much better, right?" The Greyjoy asked as he washed his hands in the sink. 

Clyde nodded before looking at Robb who continued to look at him in disbelief. 

"What do you think?" Theon asked, the grin on his face spoke of the level of pride he felt as he looked at the infant. 

"Garlan is going to kill you."

"Naww." Theon picked up the little one and turned him around to face the mirror. "Do you like it Clyde?"

Clyde let out a delightful laugh as he clapped his hands. Theon looked at Robb smugly. "I thought so." He turned the little boy around again and grinned. "Come on, Lucky Charm, let's go show Gendry our masterpiece."

The baby began to babble as Theon picked him up. The Greyjoy nodded indicating he was listening even though he had no clue what the boy was saying, but knew it was the right thing to do when the little boy wrapped his small arms around his neck and squeezed. His small body trembled with the force.

Robb watched them go, not so much dreading the bond between the baby and Theon, but what the Tyrells would do to all of them for not stopping Theon. He had only taken his eyes off of them for a moment!

The Stark pressed his forehead against the wall of the bathroom and groaned. Where was Jon when he needed him the most?

Gendry's eyebrows shot up to nearly to his hairline as he watched Theon proudly display his "masterpiece". 'Garland - no - Leonette is going to kill us.'

"Uhm... I never pegged you for a baby type of guy, Greyjoy..."

"Are you kidding me? Oh, Baratheon, you have so much to learn! Babies are like chick magnets. Take one to the supermarket and the babes will be all over you like ants at a summer picnic."

Gendry shot him a look that screamed skepticism. "Why would women want a guy who's taken and has a baby?"

Theon rolled his eyes and dramatically looked over to Robb as if to say, 'Look at this poor lamb. He has been sent to me so that I may educate him properly.'

"Gendry, Gendry, Gendry, I'll let you in on a little secret from my vast pool of knowledge about women. The image of you with a baby tells them 3 things: 1) you are responsible 2) you have been domesticated 3) you are taken. And they will always want what they cannot have. They will try and break you and climb you like a tree! It's hot as f-"

"Please stop talking." Gendry pleaded hoping that if he closed his eyes and blocked out the light, his head would stop pounding; it felt like someone was taking a hammer to his head and was trying to mince his brain.  

"Ba!" Clyde says as he pats Theon on the chest.

"See!" Theon grins at the baby causing Clyde to go cross-eyed when his eyes followed the Greyjoy's finger and blinks when his nose is tapped. "Even Clyde agrees with me."

Gendry looks at Robb for help only for the Stark to shake his head as if to say 'it's a lost cause'. The Baratheon glances back at Greyjoy and the Tyrell baby. 'We're so screwed.' Gendry thinks about calling Arya but then he would have to start from the beginning and he really didn't want to explain to his girlfriend how he along with his uncle, his uncle's boyfriend, her older brother, and her brother's BFF (because, let's face it, there was no way he was going to take the blame himself for this mess!) somehow, lost her favorite older brother, who was also the groom for Gendry's half-sister's wedding. Sure, Arya could keep the situation a secret, but word would spread when the groom does not show up at the wedding... and Gendry didn't want to think of that. For the first time in years, he just wanted to curl up into a ball and let the whole thing just blow over. 

He is brought back from his dark musings when he feels a small hand on his knee and looks down to see Clyde looking up at him. The baby tugs on his jeans before raising both his arms and opening and closing his little fists, which indicated that he wanted to be held. Gendry scoops the boy in his arms and hisses when his lower-back bumps into the couch. He looks up to see the Greyjoy to see him pour himself a drink. 

"You seem to need him more than I do at the moment." Theon commented before he chugged down his drink. 

Robb clapped him on the shoulder halfheartedly before pulling the bottle away from him. "I need you sober."

Theon sighed. "I really don't want to be."

"For Clyde?"

Theon glanced at the baby in Gendry's arms. "Damn that Lucky Charm."

Gendry bit back a grin at the nickname Theon had given him. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought that the Greyjoy genuinely liked the baby, maybe even cared for him. He looked down at Clyde when he tugged on his shirt again and started to babble. It was hard not to like the little tyke, even when he's crying his lungs out because he needs his diaper changed. 

Yet, as much as Gendry would have liked to spend the rest of the day shutting out the world and just play with the little blue haired bundle of giggles, he knew they had a job to do.

Without taking his eyes off of Clyde, Gendry said, "We need to find Jon... as well as Renly and Loras." He looked at Robb then, hope shining in his droopy gaze, "Maybe one of them can fill in some of the gaps we have in our heads."

Robb nodded and clapped his hands, rubbing them together as the wheels in his head began to turn. "Exactly. We need a plan of action." Robb turned to his friend and ordered him to go find his phone. "You were taking pictures and videos all last night; maybe some of it can give us a clue as to what the hell went down." Then he turned to Gendry, who was trying to stop Clyde from drooling all over his only nice shirt, and told him to try calling his uncle again because maybe on the eleventh time he'll actually pick up.

Gendry held Clyde up against his chest easily with one large arm and fished out his phone from the back of his pocket, "What are you going to do?"

Robb looked at him for a moment before he picked up the hotel phone, "I'm going to order a chicken fried steak with biscuits and gravy and a large pot of hot coffee."

Theon and Gendry looked at Robb as if he had grown an extra head. "What? I'm hungry."

Theon marched out of the room to go and retrieve his phone while Gendry tried to juggle the monkey baby and his phone in his hung-over state. When he returned to the living area, he absentmindedly passed his phone to Robb as his eyes scan a crumpled piece of paper made from thick card stock.

Robb opened the media folder in Theon's phone and found the latest video at the top. When he opened it, hoots of laughter and a familiar feminine giggle filtered from the phone. There was music blaring in the background and then Theon face sucking a girl with light brown hair and porcelain skin. 

"Uh, guys?" Theon muttered, his voice lacking its usual luster.

Robb, who was trying to figure out what going on in the video, didn't respond but Gendry looked up and asked, "What now?"

"Apparently... I'm married."

There was silence in the room, save for the video that was still playing on Theon's phone, which was not being analyzed by Robb any longer seeing as the oldest Stark son was trying to figure out if his friend was joking or not. Then Gendry sighed, "That poor woman. A lifetime of punishment for one momentary lapse in judgement."

"Yeah, that poor woman is-"

The door of the hotel slammed open, and in came Margeary in all her Tyrell glory. She was so furious, her face was about the same shade as that of a blood red rose. "GREYJOY, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the amazing support! We hope you enjoy this chapter! :D Let us know what you think in the comments below and we hope to see you in the next chapter!

"Good afternoon, the rose of my life!" Theon responded smoothly but not before discreetly (or perhaps not so discreetly) coming to stand behind Robb. He was not above using his best friend as a shield if push came to shove.

"What's going on?" Robb asked trying to remain calm in the face of Margaery's anger. Sansa had warned him of the Tyrell's anger. It was best to get out of the way, but Robb was loyal to a fault. He was screwed one way or another with the Tyrells anyway.

"Why don't you ask him?" She spat.

 

 

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry to crush what you think is justifiable anger, but it takes two to tango." Theon said from behind Robb and took a step back when Margaery lunged at him. 

"I'll have your head for this!" Margaery screeched.

"I'm sure you already did last night!" Theon winked.

"Not helping!" Robb yelled over his shoulder as he held Margaery back. 

"I'll end you!"

"No!" Clyde yelled from Gendry's arms. "No!"

The argument ended when they heard Clyde. His arms reached out towards Theon and his hands opened and closed, grasping for the man in front of him. "Ba!" Tears gathered in his eyes a moment before he began to cry. 

Gendry thought he saw a look of hurt flash across Theon's face but it was gone as soon as it came. The Greyjoy covered the distance and snatched the baby before Marg could. 

"There, there," Theon cooed as he bounced him lightly in his arms looking uncomfortable. "She doesn't mean it."

Clyde quiets down and buries his face in the curve of Theon's neck. He tries not to think about the wetness he feels against his throat. A sniff is his only response. 

"This is so weird." Theon met Marg's gaze. "This makes him my nephew now."

Marg continued to narrow her eyes on him. 

"What?"

"What did you do to Clyde's hair?"

"The girl at the parlor said blue was in this season."

Margaery gave him a strange look at first but then dismissed it before said, "I'll call Tyrion Lannister tomorrow. He can sort this all out and get an annulment done for us by the time we get back to the office on Monday."

Theon didn't say anything at first and then as if he caught himself, he feigned relief. "Thank the gods. Could you imagine us? Building a future together? Loving each other because we had a marriage based on years of friendship rather than a relationship based on mere attraction?" More than even the slight sarcasm in his tone, it was his silence that followed his rant that belied his shock and something akin to regret. Marg and Gendry didn't seem to hear the subtle hints of sadness in Theon's voice but Robb did. The Stark looked at his best friend worried. It was rare for the Greyjoy to ever be this open in public but then again Theon hadn't meant to be.

Clyde, as if feeling his pain, wrapped his arms around his neck and pressed his cheek against his. Whatever the baby had been trying to do seems to work because Theon stopped frowning and held the baby more secure. 

Theon glared at Margaery and without another word walked passed her with Clyde in tow. He came to stand beside Robb. "Did you find anything?"

Robb didn't get a chance to reply though as Gendry told everyone to be quiet. "Yeah... uh huh... okay, where are you right now?" There was silence from him before a recognition and then relief flooded his face. "Is Jon there with you guys?" The look of anticipation soon turned to disappointment and told them the answer. "Oh... okay. That's fine... damnit! Okay, we're heading over there right now. Don't go anywhere. Yeah. Fine."

Gendry hung up the phone and then gingerly got up from where he was sitting on the couch. "They're at some apartment complex called "The Perch". Renly said that Myrcella gave him a spare key to her apartment there and him and Loras crashed there for the night. I'll look up directions on my phone. Let's go before-" Gendry stopped abruptly at the sight of his phone vibrating in his hand. "Oh my gods..."

Robb looked at him, dreading what Gendry was staring at, "What? Who is it?"

Gendry's eyes held horror. "It's your father. Here, you answer it!" Gendry said as he proceeded to shove the phone into Robb's hands. 

"No! It's your phone; you answer it!"

"He's your father!"

"But he's calling you!"

"Will someone please pick up the _fucking_ phone?!"

At Theon's yell, Robb and Gendry dropped the phone. 

Gendry gasped as the phone slammed against the floor and the screen glared at him with a missed call. A wave of relief washed over him as he duck to get the phone. "I hope you know he's going to call you next."

Robb bit back a curse. A heartbeat later, Theon's cellphone began to ring. Dread formed in the pit of his stomach when he saw his dad's name appear on his friend's phone. He took a deep breath and prayed to the gods that his father won't hear the panic in his voice. "Hey, dad."

Theon had half a mind to snatch his phone from Robb when he saw just how pale he was.

"We're well... or as well as can be considering how much we drank last night." His nervous chuckle had Gendry face palming. Margaery gave him a look that said "Really?", while Theon elbowed him in the ribs. Robb glared at him as he said, "Yeah, no, we're good. Tell mom not to worry; we'll be there in time for the wedding. We just decided to stay here for another hour or two... you know... to regroup... and whatnot." He finished off lamely.

Theon gave him a thumbs up despite his weak landing.

"You want to speak to Jon...?"

Gendry pointed at one of the bedroom and started miming someone sleeping.

"He hasn't been answering his phone because... he's been sleeping." Robb looked affronted. "You haven't called me. I would have answered. I didn't lose it..." He patted his pockets to realize that his phone was, in fact, missing. "I seem to have just left it somewhere else... at the moment. Doesn't mean it's missing..." He frowned. "Yeah, very funny dad. I'll call you later when I get my phone. Just tell mom not to freak out too much. I'll make sure Jon calls you back once we fin-" He's cut off by Theon punching him. "-once we find a way to wake him up. Okay, bye, dad!" Robb quickly hangs up. 

"You're a horrible liar." Theon confessed, as if he couldn't keep it in any longer."How are we friends again?"

"I'm your moral compass. I keep you from falling to the dark side."

"But the dark side is so great! The dark side has hash brownies and alcohol and copious amounts of sex with random people and polygamy..." Theon said as he held out a piece of gum out to Clyde. Marg snatches it away, already foreseeing the poor baby choking on it, "and it has gum!"

Marg glares at him and tries to take Clyde away from him but Theon held the baby in question over his head and successfully out of Marg's reach.

"I can see you will be a shining example for your future children." Robb chuckled despite himself.

"Argh! Greyjoy procreating, thanks for that image, Robb. I'm gonna go empty the contents of my stomach now."

Robb shook his head. "No time. Take a paper bag if you need one but we have to go. I gotta find my phone too."

"Don't forget sunglasses." Gendry said as he reached into his day bag and grabbed his.

"Sunglasses!" Robb and Theon cheered.

As Robb left the room to search for his wallet and keys, Marg smacks Theon up side the head.

" _Ow_! What the fruit cake was that for?!"

"That was for cursing around my nephew-"

"He's my nephew now, too, ain't he?"

"Yes, _thank you_ for that constant reminder!"

"Okay, you know what?! I hope we did have sex last night!  _Lots of it_! And I hope we weren't careful either because I would  _love_ it if I actually got you pregnant!"

Marg gasped in horror. " _You wouldn't_!" She hissed.

Theon grinned. "Oh, but I _would_ , sweet wife, and with a big, fat smile one my face, no less!" He then proceeded to storm off dramatically with Clyde in one arm, and his diaper bag swung over his shoulder "Come on, Clyde, let's go somewhere where it doesn't smell like wilted flowers."

Margaery's eyes bulged. "You- You- YOU TAKE THAT BACK, THEON GREYJOY!!" she screeched.

"Never!" 

_'Wow, they're already arguing like a happily married couple..._ ' Gendry thought as he watched them storm out of the room with an amused smile. He no longer saw the point of Margaery filling for that divorce anymore but he knew not to voice that if he still wanted his head.

He walked towards the door and watched then as they waited for the elevator. Theon had one hand covering Clyde's ear as he pressed the baby's head against his chest while Margaery continued to hiss words at him. When she tried reaching for the baby again, Theon pivoted so she only grasped air.

Gendry shook his head and tried his best to call into Jon's phone again, hoping upon hope, that the groom would pick up this time. But, alas, a familiar ringtone plinked atop the kitchen counter. Gendry strode back in and picked up Jon's phone to see that he had 11 missed calls and 5 text messages. "Wow... we are so screwed." He groaned as he buried his head into his arms over counter top. 

"Where did the married couple go?" Robb asked as he came out with his keys and wallet but no cellphone. 

Gendry looked up and grabbed Jon's phone on the way towards the door. "Arguing by the elevator."

"Why am I not surprised..." He walked out of the hotel room leaving Gendry to lock up. 

"They're going to need a severe case of couple's therapy when all this is over." Gendry commented as he locked the door once he made sure the key card was in his pocket.

Robb glanced at the Baratheon with a highly amused look on his face. "Have anyone in mind that can handle those two?"

"Well, there is always Bella. You know what they say about High-End Call Girls."

Robb stopped walking and shot Gendry a pointed look. "No, actually, I have no idea what they say about ' _high-end call girls_ '."

"They say don't piss them off because they know all the secrets. One leaked secret from an 'anonymous source' and good bye presidency and stardom and marriage."

Robb's glazed look told Gendry that he still didn't get it. Gendry sighed before elaborating, "It means she's a really good listener and she can keep a secret (unless you piss her off). And if those two won't behave, then she can blackmail them with the info she has on them. Shesh. And Arya calls me the slow one."

Robb shook his head in a defeat as they approached the elevator. "You know, you're kinda bitchy when you're hungover."

"Yeah, so I've been told. Bite me."

Robb's chuckle had Theon looking over his shoulder and giving Clyde the chance to press the button again. "I was wondering what was taking you two so long."

"And here I thought you had forgotten all about me." Robb grinned as he came to stand beside the Greyjoy with Gendry standing beside him wincing in pain as he stretched out his back.

"Come on, Stark. After all these years, I thought you would get with the program. You're stuck with me for life... " Theon gave him a cheeky smile and snarkly whispered, "like this poor wench here." Robb shook his head as Theon continued, "Besides, I wouldn't invest more than a handful of years on you only to leave you hanging."

"Thanks... I think." Robb said just as the elevator doors slid open. 

"Ladies, first." Theon motions for Margaery to step in as she glared daggers at him. With a flip of her hair, she strode into the lift after she happily steps on his foot. Theon cries out in pain before laughing. 

Gendry shook his head. "You are a strange man, Greyjoy."

"Not as strange as your face!" Theon said sweetly as he holds out his hand for Clyde to high-five. The baby doesn't disappoint when he gleefuly brings his palm against Theon's. Margaery rolls her eyes. "Yes, real mature. Good gods, I married a 5 year old."

"Be nice." Robb warned the dynamic duo as he pressed the button for the first floor. 

Theon smirked. "Aren't I always?"

"No." Margaery said from behind him..

"Whatever you say, baby mama."

"Baby mama?" Robb whipped around and looked at Theon with wide eyes. "You knocked up, Margaery?"

Theon sighed dramatically. "I would appreciate it if you said something a bit more sophisticated than 'knocked up', Robb."

Gendry kept his mouth shut because he feared he might just burst out laughing. And with Marg glaring holes into the back of Theon's skull, Gendry did not want to be on the receiving end of that woman's wrath. 

"You can't really-"

"I have impregnated Margaery with my manly seed and now Theon Jr. grows within her." Theon declared.

Margaery gave no warning when she lashed out and smacked Theon in the back of the head.

"That's it! We are setting some ground rules!" Theon turned around and glared at the woman in question. "No hitting or attacking when the baby is around!"

"I am not your _baby mama_!" Margaery growled at him over Robb's shoulder as Gendry tried to calmly hold her back from reaching Theon and risk hurting Robb instead. "And there is no way in Seven Hells I'm letting you name our baby Theon Jr.!"

"How about Jay R? Jay R Greyjoy has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" Theon mused as he looked over for support but was met with a monstrous glare and another smack across the back of his head.

"Ey! What did I say- what did I say about hitting while the baby is around? He is going to get it in his head that hitting people is a justifiable way of exerting anger- _Ow_! Stop hitting me, woman! Robb! Hold Clyde!" Theon passed Robb the baby before he whirled around and caught everyone by surprise when he cupped both of Margaery's cheeks and pulled her lips to his. Marg was thrashing about at first, her cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink before she wound her arms around Theon's neck and sank into the onslaught of his lips. Robb and Gendry turned around to give the two some privacy and even went so far as to cover Clyde's curious eyes when it was apparent that Clyde was enjoying the exchange of affection between his aunt and newly admitted uncle. 

Theon's hand cupped the back of her head possessively as his other hand slid down her cheek to her side until reaching her waist. He wrapped his arm around it and pulled her flushed up against him.

Marg's moan was what got Robb to finally comment, "Alright, you two, could you keep it PG?" The elevator dinged its arrival to the first floor seconds before it slid open.

They two in question pulled apart and Margaery found herself awkwardly speechless as she tried to regain her composure. Without a word she strode past the three and a half men and out onto the ground level of the hotel. Theon, with a smug grin plastered on his face, caught up to her easily and carelessly threw an arm around her shoulders thinking for sure she would push him away. 

But when she did nothing of the sort, Theon couldn't help genuinely smile for the first time that morning. 

Robb and Gendry share an amused glance as they follow. Clyde is the only one that voices his approval as he babbles away and reaches for his aunt.

Margaery smiles as she unlatches him from Robb and nuzzles his face. The baby's laughter echoed in the lobby when her warm breath tickles his ear. He pulls away but not before she pressed a series of kisses on his chubby cheeks. "Ba!" He exclaimed happily, pointing at the sliding doors. 

"Seems like someone is impatient." Gendry winked as he pokes the baby's tummy.

"Well, he's onto something. We need to hurry." Robb said, "If there's no traffic, we should reach "The Perch" in less than twenty minutes. We'll have time to regroup and eat once we meet up with Renly and Loras."

"You're going to mooch off of Myrcella?" Margaery purses her lips looking at him disapprovingly. 

Robb looks at her momentarily confused and looks at Theon for elaboration. "Is she accusing me of being a freeloader?"

Theon shakes his head and turned to Margaery with a hint of affection as she held Clyde. "Nope, he can't be a freeloader. He lives there."

Margaery froze. "With Myrcella?"

Theon doesn't bother to answer her inquiry and instead waited for Robb to. 

"Robb?"

Robb, like the man he is, runs ahead and dives into the driver's seat hoping to drive away from the woman who was interrogating him. 

"So wait... are they?" Marg asks as everyone kept completely silent. If they thought this was going to deter Margaery Tyrell though, they had another thing coming. She considered herself one of Myrcella's closest friends and to be not the second, not the third, not EVEN the fourth person to know that she was living with her boyfriend was something she could not just drop! "Hey! I'm talking to you! No! Don't walk away when someone is asking you for clarification!" She climbed into the car behind Theon who had instinctively grabbed baby Clyde from a raging Margaery to place in the Winnie the Pooh car seat. (How did that get there?)

Robb finally shrugged and said, "It was cheaper than living separately. We weren't going to tell anyone... at least, right now, just because her mom would probably skin me alive and feed my testicles to her pet lions."

It wasn't much but Margaery couldn't really blame him for the secrecy; Cersei Lannister was notorious for being incredibly vicious. Still, she felt as though she needed to be angry, so she seethed in the back as she watched the cityscape roll by outside the windows. As she was about to ask of the guys to turn up the AC, her phone vibrated before it started to play to chorus to _"Toxic" by Britney Spears_.  

"Really?" Theon asked highly amused. 

Margaery flat out ignored him and picked up the phone call. "Willas, I can't tal-" A frown marred her features when Willas's voice on the other end cut her off. "How did you find out about that?" She growled when he answered. "No, just tell her it was a mistake, a prank!" A tiny gasp escapes her lips. "I can't... she can't be." She silent for a moment, listening to what her brother was saying before she sighed in defeat. "Fine."

"What happened?" Gendry inquired curiously from the passenger seat.

"My family knows about the... marriage." She glanced at Theon when she felt him tense beside Clyde. "My grandmother wants to meet the man who supposedly 'captured the wild rose'." Her voice dripped with disdain.

Robb glanced in the rearview mirror at Theon. "Look on the bright side buddy: if you win over Grandma Olenna, you'll be welcomed into the family! At that point, it'll be near impossible for Marg to file for a divorce."

"Don't give him any ideas!" Margaery smacked Robb's shoulder. "Or Cersei may be recieving an "anonymous tip" about her daughter's living arrangments with her boyfriend."

"You wouldn't do that... not to Myrcella. She would be affected by that as much as I would-"

"I never said I would be the one making the call."

"That's it," Robb looked over his shoulder at a red light, to meet Theon's gaze, "You're getting a divorce!"

"Jumping ship already? What about the whole honor code amounst you Stark men? Jon wouldn't abandon his bros for call girls..." 

"First off, my girlfriend is _not_ a call girl. Secondly... yeah, well, Jon's more Stark than most of us so your point is moot."

Gendry quietly chuckled from his seat next to Robb. The Stark man looked over towards his friend and lifted an eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing... it's just... Arya is so right." And then he just burst out laughing for no apparent reason... except Theon also started laughing. Robb looked in the revieview mirror and was relieved when he saw Margaery confused as well. (Clyde was giggling along with everyone else but he didn't really count seeing as he would giggle when people were clapping or when he was smacking people in face with his chubby little hands.) Finally, Theon caught his breath and leaned over to whisper something in Margaery's ear. The Tyrell- _ney! Greyjoy_ \- pulled back before she nodded. "Yeah, I can totally see it."

"WHAT?!" Robb exclaimed as he took out his frustrations on the road, swerving in and out of lanes before making a sharp turn down a very busy street. 

"He said that you're whipped. But that's pretty obvious." Marg replied. Theon and Gendry hooted in laughter once again.

"Well..." Robb glared at the cars ahead of him, williing the traffic to let up so he could get out of the roast he was put under. "It takes a real man to admit he's whipped. And I am happy to be so."

The car was filled with ceaseless laughter at this point with Theon and Gendry losing it, even Clyde was joining in on the fun by giggling and throwing in baby jargon into the cacophany of mirth. It was Marg who placed her hand on the Stark's head and ruffled his hair. "It sure does, Robb. Don't mind these immature brats."

"Whatever." Robb grumbled feeling his face heat up so hot that not even the AC, which was on blast, could cool him down. 

Gendry nudged him with a smirk. "Ey, Cella's lucky to have you."

"I hope she feels that way too." Robb said before rolling his eyes when Marg and Theon 'awww-ed' from the back seat of the car. "Shut it!"

"Ba!" Clyde yelled in turn.

"Look even baby Clyde agrees with me!" Robb turned to look at the baby and smiled at him. "You are so getting a lollipop as soon as we get to the apartment."

"NO! You are not feeding my nephew candy!"  

"Why not? Look at him; he's a ball of sunshine." Marg glanced at her husband, her eyes glazed over in fear. "He'll be running up and down like there's no tomorrow. And if you think the running is bad... you haven't see nothing yet. No, it's his climbing that will be your down fall. He's a-" She shivered at as if the memory was traumatizing her all over again.

"You sound like you're speaking from personal experience." Gendry said rubbing at his back.

"Never again..." Margaery vowed, her eyes hallow.

Before Theon could pry for more information, Robb took another sharp turn and began speeding through the small streets. "Damnit, Stark, there's a baby on board!"

Instead of supporting his uncle's point, Clyde let out a peal of laughter as he clapped his hands. "Fas!"

"Well, at least there's no more doubt if he's Garlan and Leonette's kid or not."

Margaery was about to agree but noticed that Gendry had been sitting funny in the seat up front, as if he was afraid to touch his back to the chair. "Gendry, what's wrong with you? Is there something wrong with your back? You haven't been able to sit still this entire car ride."

Gendry took the opportunity to turn around in his seat at that moment, his eyes filled with concern. "I don't know what's wrong. It itches and stings and every time I touch it, it burns like crazy!"

Robb steered the car onto Park Avenue and told Gendry not to worry. "Well, we're nearly there. We'll take a look at it when we get down."

As they pulled up to the apartment complex on the corner or Harbor and Park Avenue, they piled out of the car and walked over to Gendry, who lifted the back of his shirt to show them what was wrong with his back.

Everyone was dead silent but it was Theon who was happy to deliver the message to a disgruntled Gendry. "Oh fuck! You got a tattoo!"

Robb snorted, "And not just any tattoo. You got a tattoo of... Bambi!"

Gendry decided he made a huge mistake going out with these idiots last night. "Where the HELL were you buffoons when I was off getting a FUCKING tattoo?!" 

A shutter on a camera phone went off. 

"Who was that?" Gendry demanded.

He turned around just in time to see Margaery shrug. "They wouldn't believe me if I didn't have the proof."

"Who wouldn't believe you?" Gendry shoved his shirt back down and glared at Margaery.

"The girls." She said as she slid her phone back into her purse with a smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Fun fact** : If you want to see what Gendry's tattoo looks like [go here](http://media.tumblr.com/840bb82531480ea6539acbc49b53ea57/tumblr_inline_mt1w5dIHGL1qz4rgp.jpg).


	3. Chapter 3

“It's a nice tattoo.” Robb cut in trying to put an end to the argument. “It suits you.”

“How the hell does it suit me?! Where the hell were you and Theon?!”

This gave Robb pause and forced him to look over at Theon confused, “Where _were_ we?” 

The Greyjoy glanced down at Clyde as if he were the answer to all the questions in the universe. “I think were were getting his hair dyed.”

“That would leave Jon with you.”

“Jo!” Clyde tugged on Theon's shirt smiling. “Jo.”

“Yep, Jon!”

“You better not be sending that to Arya.”

“She's going to find out sooner or later when you take off your shirt in front of her.”

“ _Margaery!_ ” Gendry growled glaring at her, telepathically begging for her to stop her train of thought.

She glanced at Theon to see him giving Clyde to Robb who had seconds ago had been glaring at Gendry.

“Come on, Robb, she's a grown young lady,” Theon tried to reason gently as Clyde cuddled into the Stark's chest. “You need to let her spread her wings...” He turned to give Gendry a knowing look before muttering, “Well... she probably already has.”

Gendry shook his head furiously as he saw the murder that shone in Robb's eyes: overprotective brother mode had been activated. The only thing that kept Robb from tearing him a new one was Clyde. ' _Fucking Greyjoy_.'

“Well! At least she spread her wings for Bambi,” Theon placed a hand on Robb's shoulder. “What I'm trying to say is that Bambi's not so bad; she could have dated someone a lot worse off than him. At least, we know who he is. If he ever breaks her heart, we know where he lives and we can easily hunt him down and break his legs.”

“That's only if Arya doesn't get her hands on him first.” Robb quipped.

“That's the spirit!”

Gendry didn't know whether to be worried that Robb had calmed down with the promise of pain or relieved that the matter was finally dropped as he led the way to the elevators.

“I almost feels sorry for you,” Marg patted him right where his tattoo was and grinned when it elicited the desired reaction: him yelping in agony.

Gendry hissed through gritted teeth. “You and Theon definitely belong together.”

“Didn't ask for your blessing, but thanks nonetheless.” Margeary smirked knowing full well that that wasn't intended to be a compliment (or a blessing, for that matter). She winked at him before she skipped forward to twine her arm through Theon's. He glanced down at her and smiled smugly before he looked over his shoulder just in time to see the Baratheon flipping him the bird.

Laughing, Theon turned back to Robb and said, “Hey, Robb, if you get tired of carrying Thumper, you could just hand him off to Bambi.”

“Okay ground rules,” Robb began standing at the entrance of the elevator doors to keep them from closing and anyone from getting in. “If the both of you want to get it on you can on the next elevator. The last thing I want is the both of you making like rabbits in front of us or gods forbid in Myrcella and my apartment.”

“Renly and Loras more than likely have that covered.”

A wave of sympathety washed over Gendry at how pale Robb got.

“No, no, no! That place is only suppose to be for-” he rushed into the elevator and began to rapidly press the eight button. “Get your asses in, now!”

Then the Baratheon remembered just who Robb was going out with. “Only supposed to be for... what?”

“Now is not the time to for details, Gendry.” Robb held Clyde closer to him as if the baby could spare him the pain. “It's not important.” he pressed his lips against the baby's temple.

Clyde had been sucking on his fist seconds ago as he leaned against Robb's shoulder but feeling the kiss had him stop sucking and pulling back. He placed the saliva filled hand on Robb's cheek. “Ro!”

“You are _so_ lucky you're cute.” Robb muttered not bothering to remove the small hand, not even when Clyde proceeded to squeeze his cheek and tug.

“Jo!” he exclaimed. “Be!”

Robb looked at him confused, but didn't have time to contemplate as the elevator dinged and the doors slid open.

 

* * *

 

Robb didn't know exactly what to expect as he walked in clutching Clyde trying to put on a brave face. The baby fisted his shirt and put on a fierce pout but the sound of Uncle Loras laughing had him shouting, “Lo!”

"What the-" Loras stuck his head out from the kitchen to see Robb holding a baby that looked awfully familiar. "What the hell did you guys do to my nephew?!" He rushed out the kitchen to snatch Clyde but Robb side stepped him and glared.

"I can ask you the same thing but in my and Myrcella's apartment." The Stark looked at them suspiciously. 

"Come on Robb," Renly walked out the kitchen shirtless and smiling wholeheartedly. 

"Where the hell is your shirt?!" He looked at Theon and Gendry helplessly but they simply shrugged, well in the Greyjoy's case he was smirking highly entertained. 

Marg shook her head as she walked passed Renly to the kitchen. "Be nice and ease Robb's mind. Go put on a shirt."

Renly grinned. "Fine." 

"Where are you going?" Robb watched in horror as Renly walked to the master bedroom. Clyde simply patted his cheek as if to comfort him for what his uncle and his uncle's boyfriend did.

"Don't worry, Robb. We were only checking the bed springs for you and my dear niece." Renly said from the other room. "Think nothing of it."

"Think nothing of it?!" Robb exclaimed trying to remain calm but keeping his temper in check was never one of his strong suits.

"Yes, we only took it for a quick spin." Renly's voice was filled with mirth but he hardly gave Robb a chance to think too much on it because he rushed on and said, "Oh, and I was also keeping an eye on your phone which you dropped at the strip club last night?"

"What?! _You had my phone_? Why didn't you tell Gendry that when he called you?" Robb demanded.

"More importantly, how is it that Theon went to a strip club last night and still had money left over to get hitched to Margaery?"

" _You're married to Greyjoy_?" Loras asked, his eyes shone with confusion and outrage. 

"Apparently not everyone in your family knows," Theon sent Margaery a snarky grin before turning to Gendry, "And we got married _before_ the trip to the strip, Bambi." 

"No," Marg shook her head. "You went to the strip club first because I called you guys and you guys were already drunk. We went to the hospital after that because Robb fell off a table dancing and needed stitches on his head." 

" _That's_ why my head wouldn't stop pounding!"

But Renly shook his head before he protested, "No, Robb fell from the table at the bar we went to first. That's when you called us. We were at the strip club after the bar."

"But I met up with you guys after because I was _at the bar_. _That's_ where I got drunk and married this squid." Margaery said as she jabbed her finger at Theon.

Theon wagged his eyebrows suggestively. "Yeah, you know you it like that."

Robb, Margaery, and Gendry all made gagging noises while Renly looked at him with open curiosity and the entirety of the conversation was lost on Loras.

"What the hell is he talking about?" Loras asked turning to Renly. 

Gendry simply smiled at him affectionately. "It's nothing really except your sister may be in some kinky stuff."

The Tyrell looked at his sister as she came out the kitchen holding a banana and a spoon. "No surprise there. She did marry a Greyjoy."

Theon smiled as if touched by the implications of the comment, "Thank you." 

"I really don't think he meant it as a compliment." Gendry whispered to him.

"Oh, I know, but take what I can get." 

"Can I get my phone back, please?" Robb asked.

"I don't know... there are some pretty incriminating stuff on here."

"What do you mean?" Robb asked gulping as he held Clyde closer to him. 

"There's some clothes being taken off and _a lot_ of pelvic thrusting."

"What?! I don't remember that!"

"No, surprise there." Theon commented as he took Clyde from him and took a seat on the couch with the baby on his lap. "You were the first to get drunk out of all of us." He said taking out a bib from the diaper bag and placing it on Clyde. 

"Greyjoy you were the second one down." Gendry grinned. "The both of you were giving everyone at the bar a free show."

"Told you we should have charged for the show." Renly said to Loras.

"I was recording and _you_ were too busy throwing dollar bills at them."

"I had to give my boys something for their effort."

"We could start a business." Loras glanced at Gendry and Marg who came to sit on the couch beside Theon. "What do you two think?”

"I think we can work something out." Margaery smirked as she peeled the banana and began to scrape it with the spoon. "Gendry could be thrown in the mix as well."

"No." Gendry shook his head. "I had rather not and Arya wouldn't agree."

"Still, I'm sure we can work something out." Marg fed Clyde a spoonful of banana. The baby moaned  and chewed with gusto. "Renly has a way with words."

Renly winked at his nephew. "I'll make sure you will want for naught under my employment." He glanced at Loras to see him showing Robb something on his phone. The look of horror on the Stark's face had him knowing exactly what they were watching. 

"Has anyone else seen this?" Robb asked the Tyrell.

"No."

He snatched  his cell phone back from Loras and quickly deleted it before holding it protectively against his chest. A second later various text tones echoed through the room.

Renly pulled out his cell phone. "So it _did_ work."

Robb glared at the men in front of him in horror, "What worked?"

"Earlier in the day, Trystane Martell came by saying there was something he wanted to discuss with Myrcella. We decided to invite him in for coffee and lemon cakes. One thing led to another, we found out he has a way with technology."

"You had him hack my phone?!" 

Loras nodded as Renly continued. "If you deleted the video it was programmed to be sent out to a specific few people in your contacts."

"Myrcella..." He thought about his girlfriend, who was a sweetheart, but enjoyed teasing the living hell out of him when she had the chance. He'll never be able to live it down. "You are _so_ lucky you're her uncle." Robb growled he looked through his phone to see if the Martell had changed anything else only to see a new note on his notepad app. He opens it to see ' _Thanks for the coffee and lemon cakes ;)_ '

"We also need him alive to help us find Jon." Gendry said as he watched the video, chuckling uncontrollably.

' _But I can hurt Trystane. When I get my hands on that Martell, I am going to make sure he won't be able to code any longer. I'm sure the government will thank me in the end; one less hacker on the interwebs-_ ' Robb's violent thoughts was interrupted when Gendry reminded him that they needed Renly because they need to find Jon. 

Robb turned on Renly then. "You're right, Gendry. Alright, Renly, make yourself useful! Tell us where Jon is now because we have to get him to his wedding in... less than 3 hours!”

Renly shrugged. "I have no clue. We skipped out after you left the second bar."

Gendry narrowed his eyes. "So you have no idea what happened to _any_ of us after that?"

Renly smirked. "Welllllll... not completely."

Robb growled. "Out with it, man! We don't have time for your games!"

"Really? They are awfully fun. Loras can attest to-"

"Renly!"

Renly threw up his hands defensively. "Feisty, isn't he? I can see why Myrcella likes you." But he finally conceded when he saw just how angry Robb was getting. "I saw you guys going into the ice cream shop across the ways from where I was. After that, you went back, I'm assuming, to your hotel."

"Yes, but what about Jon?!" Robb demanded.

"Hold your horses, Stark, I was just getting there. See, Jon was the one holding Clyde, so, at least you know that he went back to the hotel with you guys since you ended up with Clyde."

"That explains why his cellphone was in the kitchen counter."

"Yes, yes, all that is good to know, but it still doesn't tell us where he is NOW!" Robb was at his wits end and wanted to crawl up into a fetal position on the floor with Clyde and beg the baby to tell him where his brother had gone. "Why Clyde? Why can't you tell me where Jon went?" Robb childishly wished he had telepathic powers.

"Jo! Be!" Clyde said happily as he pointed to a picture of Jon and Bella on the wall of the apartment. 

"Why were you across the street from the ice cream shop, Renly?" Margaery asked.

"Loras and I originally agreed to follow all of you especially when we saw Clyde had join in the mix, but the Loras was being a wonderful distraction."

"Wait," Gendry glared at his uncle. "Did you see me get my tattoo?"

"We recorded it." Loras grinned. "I can send you the vid to you."

"I don't want the bloody video! _Why didn't you stop me_?!"

"Well, Jon was with you. Thought it should be okay since he couldn't talk you out of it."

"I am going to murder your brother!" Gendry growled at Robb.

"For all we know he's already dead!" Robb snapped back. "He doesn't have his cell phone and we have no idea where he is! He could have been murdered or worse!"

"Enlighten me, Robb, what could possibly be worse than being killed?" Renly placed his hand on Robb's shoulder.

"Kidnapped and held for ransom!" Robb grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "Or he was taken by a human trafficking ring and at this moment is being sold to the highest bidder!"

"Theon," Marg looked at her husband as he bounced Clyde on his knee making the baby giggle. "Did you show Robb " _Taken_ " again?"

"No... maybe. Okay, yes. But it's not my fault he likes the movie." At which point he turns to see Marg give him “the look” before he exasperatedly continued. "Oh, come off it; it's a good movie!"

"Robb, I _highly_ doubt that Jon has been taken or is being sold no matter how good looking he is."

Everyone in the room nodded agreeing on Jon's good looks.

"Your dad or Bella would be blasting up our phones right now if that were the case.”

Robb took a deep breath. "You're right." 

"Jon is a resourceful, smart, young man. I'm sure he's fine." Margaery stood up from her seat to throw the banana peel away. Theon patted the seat beside him. "Come on Stark, you should take a seat."

Robb dragged his feet as he came to sit on the couch. Theon wiped Clyde's mouth with the bib before pulling it off and placing the baby to his best friend's lap. Robb wordlessly wrapped his arms around Clyde and held him close. 

When Marg returned she ruffled Robb's auburn curls. Gendry would have laugh at the picture they made: the Greyjoys taking the role as parents and Robb and Clyde as their children. The helpless look on Robb's face didn't help. 

Clyde fussed until Robb loosened his hold. The baby turned around in his arms and placed his hands on Robb's cheeks. "Jo! Be!"  

"Worst case scenario we'll have to call Bella." Loras piped in.

"No, flipping way! Bella will kick all our asses if she knew that we lost her boy toy." Theon rubbed a hand over his eyes. 

"Nope, she'll kick all _your_ asses." Marg said sweetly. " _I_ , on the other hand, arrived only because Willas asked me to drop off Clyde."

"Why?"

"You agreed to babysit him."

"No, I did-" Loras then remembered speaking with his older brother a week ago but Renly had been distracting him and he had agreed to whatever Willas was saying to get off the phone. "This is your fault!" He glared at his boyfriend. 

"You weren't complaining a week ago." He winked playfully causing everyone in the room to groan.

Clyde climbed off of Robb's lap and began tugging on his jeans. 

"So everything that happened to Clyde last night falls on you, darling brother." Loras turned his glare on his younger sister, but it did nothing to faze her. "Try explaining Clyde's blue hair to Garlan and Leonette."

Robb got up from his seat and grabbed Clyde's hand as the baby began babbling excitedly.

"Garlan's not the one I'm scared of; he'll probably just laugh it off. It's Leonette that will probably be happy to whip us raw." Loras groaned.

"Ooo, kinky." Theon teased.

"Yeah... _no_." Loras shook his head. "Leonette is tiny but she is one scary woman when she's mad." He turned to Margaery. "Remember that one time."

"I've been trying to forget about ' _that one time_ ' ever since said ' _one time_ ' happened."

Theon wasn't sure if what ever happened was actually _that_ scary but he dropped it nonetheless; the fear in Margaery's eyes looked real enough.

"Guys, _seriously_! Could we _please_ focus on the crisis at hand?" Robb whined. Theon felt kind of bad for the poor guy; he looled like he was going to cry any minute now. "What? What are trying to show me, Clyde? Yes, that is Jon and Bella! Are you trying to rub this in?"

"Jo! Be!" Clyde exclaimed.

Theon shrugged. "Maybe he's trying to say he understands your pain and he's saying at least you have pictures of Jon to keep just in case he really has been sold on the black-market to be raped by hot women."

"Not. Helping." Gendry hissed at Theon.

"Maybe he's saying that Jon's at Bella's." Margaery suggested. 

The entire room laughed, even baby Clyde who clapped his hands at the sounds of the laughter. 

"There's no way that he could be at Bella's. Bella had her bachelorette party last night. She wouldn't have been home till like... 2 or 3 in the morning." 

Margaery ignored all the men in the room and pulled out her cellphone. She waited as the dial tone rang in the phone before Bella's sweet voice filtered through the receiver. "Hey Bella. Where are you right now? You're getting your hair done? Oh okay-no that's okay. Just one quick question: did Jon crash at your place last night? He did? Awesome. Okay, that's cool. Do you know where he is now? At his parents' place? Perfect, I just wanted to tell him, that I found his cellphone was all. Okay. I'll see you at the wedding. Yep, see you then. Bye, hon." Margaery turned back to the guys to see Gendry hugging Clyde and whispering, "You are such a good boy. Such a good boy." Renly and Loras looked proudly at Margaery. 

Robb was crying.

Theon was taking off his shirt and pointing to the bedroom. "You are perfect, my queen. Get in there! I shall bestow upon you my gratitude."

"Please don't." Robb said between sobs.

Theon looked at the Stark with a grin. "Come on man don't cry." He went up to his best friend and threw his arms around the younger man. "Be happy that we found Jon."

"Theon for all the things that are sacred by the gods please put on your fucking shirt!" He wiped tears away. "I am happy! These are tears of joy! These are manly tears of fucking joy."

"Of course they are." Renly said soothing as he walked up to the Stark and couldn't resist patting him on the head. He reminded him so much of a kicked puppy. "Do you want me to call Myrcella for you?"

"No, I'm good." Robb said calming himself. "I don't want her talking me out of hurting Jon." 

"Get him good for the both of us." Gendry grinned. "But make sure to stay away from his face. I don't want Bella getting mad at us for Jon coming out with a black eye on the wedding photos."

Theon slipped his shirt back on. "It would be very entertaining though."

"Well, I guess here is where we split until meeting at the venue." Renly looked at his watch. "We got about a good two hours and a half to get ready."

"That's all the time we need." Marg smirked.

"A woman after my own heart." Theon sighed.

"Someone kill me now." Loras mumbled.

"Don't worry Leonette will once she sees Clyde."

Loras looked at Clyde helplessly to see Robb kissing the baby on the forehead.

"You're the best Clyde." Robb smiled affectionately at him. "I'll get you a piñata for your birthday."

"What the hell is a piñata?" Loras asked. 

"It's container made of papier-maché. They come in a variety of forms, from animals to your favorite cartoons. You fill it up with candy and toys. Then you blind fold the kid and let them beat the ever living shit out of it until it breaks open and all the goodies come out." Everyone looked at Theon. "What? Dad used to buy one for Rodrik and Maron when it was their birthdays. When they were being generous they let me take a turn swinging at it."

The room got awkwardly silent at the implication of Balon only getting for his eldest sons and not the youngest. Robb was the one to break the silence. "I am so getting you a piñata for your birthday and filling it with all kinds of candy and toys." 

Marg nodded in agreement. "We'll throw you a house party."

"Robb, I hope you know what toys Theon likes."

"Awww, Gendry just made a funny. How adorable."

" _Children_ as much as I enjoy seeing all of you banter, time is running out." Renly cautioned. 

"Oh crap, we have to get to Winterfell!"

"Hurry grab your shit!"

Gendry handed Clyde to Margaery. "I gotta run."

"Look after him for me." She said motioning to Theon who was barking orders at Robb. 

"I highly doubt he needs looking after but I will nonetheless." Gendry went to the door. 

Robb ran passed him yelling a quick goodbye and asking them to lock the apartment once they leave. 

Theon walked up to Margaery and pressed his lips against hers. "I'll see you at the wedding."

"Try not to cause too much trouble... at least until we're together again to give them hell." 

"I knew there was something special about you."

"On!" Clyde grabbed out Theon's shirt. 

The Greyjoy looked down at him and ruffled his hair. "I'll see you soon, Lucky Charm."

Clyde grabbed his cheeks and pressed his lips against Theon's nose.

Theon felt his face become considerably warm when Renly and Loras ' _awww_ 'ed. It didn't help that Marg was smiling at him sweetly.

"You ready to go?" Gendry called out. 

Theon pivoted and was about to walk out the apartment behind Gendry when he remember something. He snapped his fingers and turned to Loras. "Oh, by the way, Clyde's dye. Yeah, you can wash it off by bathing him." 

Loras snatched the baby from his younger sister and ran to the bathroom.

As Theon, Gendry, and Robb rode the elevator down, Gendry turned to Theon who had a grin plastered to his stupid face. "You didn't mention to Loras that even though the dye will come out with a bath that it will take multiple baths for it to come out, did you?"

Robb turned to Theon. "That was semi-permanent hair dye?"

Theon smiled wickedly, "Yep. Loras is gonna be washing Clyde's hair for days!"

 

* * *

 

The trio arrived at Winterfell manor with an hour and a half to spare. Just as they were pulling up, a powder blue Escalade pulled up to the side walk and out poured five very disgruntled girls. Sansa, Mya, Arya, Myrcella, and Shireen all clamored out of the large SUV and ran up the steps to the house in various degrees of disarray.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, where have you girls been? Why are you _just_ getting here? And who's Escalade is that?" Gendry demanded as he grabbed Shireen by the arm. 

Shireen shook her head, her dark black hair looked as though it's been through a tornado, before she hoarsely replied, "No, time to talk. I have to shower and do my hair and my make-up and put on my dress- _no time_ , _Gendry_! LET GO!" Her eyes looked as though they were possessed. Gendry jumped when she snapped at him; he had never seen Shireen so... so... he didn't even know how to describe her. 

Theon chuckled as he walked up to him. "Man, now I want to know what kind of night they had! It sounds wild!"

Robb was tempted to go after his girlfriend but seeing the way her cousin acted with Gendry made him hesitant. Shireen had never raised her voice to anyone, let alone Gendry who she loved like a brother. 

"Robb, there you are." Robb swallowed thickly at the sound of his father's voice and forced a smile, even though he looked very uncomfortble in the suit that Catelyn probably force him to wear. "About time the three of you arrived." Ned Stark regarded them with open curiosity. "Jon said you would be coming over soon-"

"Where is he?" Robb cut his father off without thinking as he walked in. He needed to see Jon.

"He should be-"

"Dad." Jon called out as he  stepped out from the parlor buttoning his collared shirt. "Catelyn wants to speak with-" Jon was tackled by Robb. Both Stark boys fell to the ground.

"Get him!" Theon yelled as he saw Robb pin Jon to the floor. 

"I feel like I should be stopping them?" Ned asked Gendry as he watched Robb try to choke Jon and was reminded of that one time he did the very same thing to his older brother Brandon. Brandon was not so innocent himself for pushing Ned to ask the beautiful Ashara Dayne out to the prom. Ned kept brushing off his brother's help, saying he would talk to her when he was good and ready. Which never happened because Brandon ended up hooking up with her later that night.

But that was story from another time.

"It's fine." Gendry grinned as Theon continued to cheer.

" _What_ is going on here?!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the entrance to the parlor to see Cat standing there with her hands on her hips glaring. 

"Honestly, Ned! Robb get off of him!"

Robb quickly scrambles off Jon and looked like a kicked puppy even more so than ever before.

She sighed. Robb had always been the hardest to stay mad at. "You should be helping him, not _attacking_ him."

"I know." Robb looked at the floor only to be nudged on the shoulder by a smiling Jon. Any anger he felt melted away finally taking in the fact that his brother was alive an well. "I was worried about you." He whispered so his parents wouldn't hear.

"I know." Jon whispered back. "But I forgot my phone and I couldn't ask Cat or dad for your number without it looking suspicious. I thought maybe Arya and Sansa would have been here but they weren't."

"And you." Cat pointed an accusing finger at Ned.

"Me?" Ned looked at her confused.

"You should have stopped Robb and ushered the boys upstairs to get ready." Cat shook her head. "What am I going to do with you boys?" 

"We can forget this incident ever happened and go get ready." Theon said hopefully, knowing full well this woman could still punish them.

 The Greyjoy knew which battles to fight and which to quickly flee and _any_ battle that involved going against Catelyn was best to walk with your tail between your legs because the woman had a way with words. She didn't even have to lift a finger to make anyone whimper.

"Fine."

The boys looked at her surprised. "You're actually agreeing with Theon..." Robb looked at Gendry. "Quick Baratheon check to see if the sky is falling."

Jon beat Theon at smacking Robb upside the head. 

It took everything Cat had not to smile and keep looking stern. "Don't make me change my mind." She warned.

"Thank you mom." Robb pressed a quick kiss on her cheek before grabbing Jon's arm and hauling him up the stairs.

Theon wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kisses Cat on the temple. "I'll keep an eye on them."

"I'll make sure that Theon keeps his word, Mrs. Stark." Gendry lightly jabbed before kissing Cat on the cheek. 

"Be careful you don't trip!" Cat allowed herself to smile as she watched the boys run up the stairs. "It seems like only yesterday that they were children." She leaned into Ned when he wrapped his arms around her. "Where did all the time go?" She wondered as it finally hit her that her boys weren't boy's anymore.

They were all men now and one was about to get married in less than two hours.

 

* * *

 

The ceremony was quaint and intimate (just the way Jon and Bella wanted). The reception was casual and laid back with food and drinks flowing in every direction. There was drinking and dining until they couldn't do either of those things anymore which only meant time for dancing and laughter and long speeches dedicated to the young newlyweds. When the dance floor was filled with guests young and old, the guys sat around one of the larger tables in the company of their ladies (and Loras). 

"Okay, I cannot wait any longer! What happened to you girls last night?" Gendry asked Arya, who was staring very intently at the stitching of the napkin.

In fact, _all_ the girls seem to be interested in anything but the male companions at the table. 

Finally, Shireen broke under the pressure and confessed, "I may have broken the speed limit trying to get away from psycho perverts."

Arya piped in then, "I may have broken said psycho pervert's nose... and family jewels."

Myrcella sheepishly turned to Robb with a sad look, "I may have broken the bank bailing out every single one of these girls who attacked a farmer."

Mya bit her lip before saying, "I may have adopted a goat."

The guys wore various degrees of shock on their face until Gendry said, "Let's start with the goat."

"Baby, you used _all_ of the money we saved?" Robb asked quietly as though the shock had rendered him catatonic, disbelief colored his voice.

"It was to bail these girls out of jail, Robb! What was I suppose to do?" Myrcella protested.

Willas turned to Sansa in disbelief, as if that small fact had just hit him, "You guys got thrown into jail?" 

Arya threw her hands up into the air, "It was just a misunderstanding."

"How was I to know he wasn't a zombie?" Sansa asked incredulously.

Theon shook his head vigorously, "STOP! I want the whole thing! Start from the beginning."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Here it is y'al: the final chapter to "Hold onto the Night"! As you can see the ladies had an equally crazy night that needs major explaining. Which means... SEQUEL! So look out for the bachelorette party version of "Hold onto the Night" which is the the works. This was such a crazy and fun story for us to write that we just had to. 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the support that we've gotten for this crack filled story. This story was kinda our crack baby and we are honored to share it with you! If you still have questions about what actually happened to Jon, all that will be answered in "C'est la Vie" (the sequel). :D 
> 
> Thanks once again, and leave us a comment as to what you think.


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